so broken..
i never knew it was going to be this hard.
i thought leaving was just a matter of time and i'll walk away without looking bad.
i didnt know that i would cry so hard.
so hard till my eyes still hurt now.
it has been so long since i felt so hurt. so sad. so......
i thought he did not mean anything to me..
i could live without him.
ha..
so silly of me....

u've been too busy
working..
working working is everything u know..

tho i am leaving soon
but u don care do u?

how is it like to fall for someone that u've never met for the past 3 years?
in just one day.

it just changes everything..

everything..

she's pretty and smart...
a future doctor..
tall and rich..
kind and nice and everyone loves her..
who am i to be compare to her..










life hasnt been easy ever since i came back from melb
working..
getting my results..
quit from working...
then makin a decision where to go..
complicated relationship that i am into...
damn...
it's just so annoying...

finally got my results.
and it turn out just as i expected..
it's ok...
not too good or too bad..
i know my standard and with the time i started studying..
yea.. so it's just ok...
that's all i can expect..
at least i c an get into any uni with that results...
thank god i am not doing medicine or sth..
coz my results is definitly not good enough..
hahaha...
anyway.. i am reli happy with it..
for a person that was never a hard worker...
i am reli glad that i did well..
hahahhahahahhahahhahahhahhahahhhaahaha..... *extremely happy*

say bye bye to LEVI'S
the lazy me decided to sttop working
and i am like reli irresponsible
coz i just without telling them earlier..
feel rel bad..
but i have to go for sign language practise and preparation for uni...

You Are Iris

You are an interesting blend of fun and wisdom. You definitely make people think about themselves and their place in the world. But they'll have fun doing it. You definitely epitomize laughter therapy. You are a very enriching and entertaining friend!

What Color Purple Are You?

it's 12.09 am in melb now..
am sitting in front of the computer trying to update u guys about my trip herre...

first about the jeans..
ppl... if u think i get special discount?? sorry i don!!
and me myself i don even own one pair of Levi's jeans.. hahhaa.. eventho my boss has been hinting me..
hahahhaa..


okok
on the 5th.. arrived in the morning.
then we went back to my aunt's place
had suppeerrr nice lunch in a vietnam restaurant!!
and the portion was sooooooooooo big and i couldnt finish...
but it was reli reli good
i had this tomatoe pork noodle!! yummm yummm..
so basically that day we just rest at home due to jet lag.
it's summer here and it's like 3 hours ealier in melb..

then ytd,
we went to de city by train..
visited the musuem and then met up wit william
and i had a very very very very special and nice day wit him
i enjoyed myself so much and i reli hope that he did enjoyed himself..
=)

so today..
was in philip island whr it doesnt feel like summer at all..
almost freeze to death..
hahaha..
saw de perfect sea view and the cutest cutest penguin ever..
basically i enjoyed myself so mch here and i reli hoped that time would just stop...
hehe..
but i still miss msia tho....
wait for me ppl...
will beb ack next fri and u'll get to see me in levi's on sat if u do miss me!!!
hahahhaha...
chaos..

it's just so funny how friendship works isnt it?
one day u re his best-est friend who knows everything bout her..
then came his dream gal.. u re no longer the first person he would thought of..
then the break up that almost killed him..
u were there.. at least u try to be there for him..
then he found his new frens.. alas, u re forgotten..
no more long distance calls just to update about his day..
no more text telling u how bad was his day..
u re forgotten...
no longer in his mind..
till one day, when he needs u again..
maybe.. u wont even be on his friend list anymore..
this is what u call friend..
lol..





started working ytd..
everything was ok..
but i felt stupid then..
coz i din knw where to get the clothes..
then.. all the folding and rolling makes me headache..
hahhaa..
anyway, i did enjoy working..
at least i wont be sleeping and C.S.I-ing at home the whole day!!

so ytd,
after work arnd 7,
zw came pick me up then we headed to permas for dinner..
permas and town it's like 20 minutes away..
and permas from my house it's like 45 minutes away..
anyway, the point is permas is reli far..
so.. we park our car by the beach.. (having a famous nasi lemak at the beach)
then we were so happy coz it was a gd parking site..
we went out of the car and then only found out that the shop was close!!
damn it!!
si we went back and guess wat??
the car cannot start!!!!!!!!!
and a whole lot of this and that happened..
then i finally got home and fell into deep sleep..
lol..
daddy needs his laptop back..
so i'll tell u the story when i see u..
chaos...

=)

heheh
i am waaaayyyy too free now..
could do anything i like wit money of course.. lol..
so since i am broke.. staying at home blogging seems to be the only thing i could do now.. lol..
ok..
finals have finally ended last wed..
i swear i felt like crying when the clock was showing 2 40 pm...
finally.. evrything... sam has ended..
i thought i did better than trials..
hopefully my results would turn out to be good.

straight after my chem paper..
i got a ride from sam and he sent me to pyramid's bus stop..
and i arrive jb aorund 9...
felt so happy to be at home...
hang out wit my long yi.. lol.. brought me to shogun for jap buffet... *yummy!!!*
then.. uncle and family came from sg for dinenr at my place..
ever since my grandma left us, we haven been spending much time together..
miss grandma so much...

went to the dentist with zw on sunday..
and he gave me a ride home...
<3

then came back yestday..
packed my stuff
and was sent to my uncle's place today..
went shopping wit pei yi ytd and spent so much money...
hehe..

ok ok .. i knw this entry is kind of bored..
hehe.. but... wat to do?? eng not good MAR~haha..
prom tmr and i am back to jb again!!!
gonna start working next mon~

yeah...
u guys can come see me in cs..
will be working in levi's
=)

隐私被侵犯了
那时什么样的感觉？
赤裸裸的感觉，
羞耻，愧疚又带点发怒
之因为真正的你被人知道了
你所想隐藏的一面被人看见了
只能用愤怒来掩饰你的不安

那侵犯别人的隐私
又感觉如何？
有点刺激，懊悔，
明明知道不对却忍不住想知道
贪婪。。。

部落格里的是自己吗？
那个别人都认识的自己吗？
还是一个想呈现在别人面前那个惹人爱的人？
我们有多诚恳 不知道
只是很多时候我们写的跟现实生活中是不一样的人
我们那么不知不觉地在以为自己就是手上一字一句写的自己
然而真正放不下，自私，斤斤计较的也正是我们没有发现的自己
一直认为只要别人没有说出你的缺点不代表你是个好人
只有当你开口问，才会知道原来自己的缺点
可是，原意面对与承认自己缺点的又有几个？
承认了原意改变那才叫勇敢

你真的知道你是谁吗？

it's about time to blog right??
felt that ppl that used to tell me evrything now, doesnt seems to be trusting me anymore???
then ppl that i always trusted.. doesnt gv me the sense of secure..
i hate it when u re toking to someone and that person doesnt respond..
aih...
too many things happening and i donno who to tok to



is it a curse or wat..
everytime i hv major exam. i'll fall sick.....
damn..

什么时候
我忘了大哭后的解脱

一直认为你不是什么
认为只要不曾为你掉过一滴 就不算爱过
认为只要对我比以前好一些 就不会要求
认为只要我一直再对你好 就够了

只是认为的是自己对自己的谎言
还是为你找的完美借口
对我至少没那么伤

当眼泪决堤了 原来爱过
当受伤了 原来一直都没变
当心寒了 原来你不曾了解有多好

一句抱歉都没有
眼泪决堤了 原来爱过

心纠了一下
你说的是我吗？
我喜欢 一直都很喜欢你
你误会了吗？
有时候口不择言
你懂吗？
真的只是说说而已

该说什么

我想你 很想你

其实我懂你在想什么
只是你一直都不说
担心我 会出意外
所以都不敢要我回去
虽然见面的几率就0.1巴仙
可是我想 总好过没有吧

谢谢你

CONFESSION


ok ok..
i hv a confession to make..
all these while. i did not mention this on my blog..
ok i gotta admit..
i've been clubbing in kl all this while..

probably not sth special for all of u out there..
as in u g uys might be.. "cheh... i tot wat.."
but it does need courage to tok about this in front of all my frens..
coz ppl hv been labelling..
clubbing=evil..

so how do u define evil?? or.. hmm... cant think of a proper word to describe.. but i guess the norm is..
when a gal goes clubbing..

she drinks
she gets drunk
she dance with strangers
she sleeps wit strangers
she gets involve in drugs
she is wasting her time
she doesnt go for classes
she smokes
she would know "bad guys" and get involve in their life
bla bla bla...
all sorts of assumption would be made
and the conclusion is..
she is a bad gal..

of all above,
i only drink..
coz i hv to admit i like de taste of liquor
and that's all..
i wont get drunk coz..... pls read back one of my post..
yea..
and u know.. i somehow just couldnt stand ppl that i donno touching me..
so strngers don even get to dance wit me AT ALL..

i protect myself when i club..
and the reason i like clubbing..
coz i get to see ppl..
how the way they behave.. attitude..
don believe me??
u just hv to...

i went to rumms with shi jen last night..
just the two of us..
i din drink much coz we cant afford to get a bottle..
so i just took a few sips or beer... " i still prefer liquor"
we were sitting at the bar..
looking at the ppl around us..
for the first time,
i felt empty..
i hv no idea why am i sitting there wasting my time..
hurting myself.. as in drink..
-but i reli reli reli don drink a lot.. coz i am still a beginner.. -
i look at the ppl around me..
why re they here?
to get to know new ppl?
to show of how gd they look??
for me.. i was there becoz of shi jen.. my best buddy!!
he wanted to meet a gal. so i acc him..
wat about these ppl around me.. they come for the same reason??
i donno..
i just felt empty and i should quit..
but i know.. i was just thinking.. coz i couldnt resist the chance for me to 'know'(observe) diff ppl..
u probably think that this is just an excuse..
well.. i donno.. maybe u re right..

anyway.. for those who re worried for me..
don be..
coz i don drink from strangers..
i am a "proud" gal when i go clubbing..
i don talk to any of the strangers..
i don get drunk..
and.. yea.. in conclusion.. i reli reli try very hard to protect myself coz i don wan anything to happen to me coz i don wan my parents to be worry..
do they know?? of coz they don..

so u guys should know wat to do..
keep it from ur parents!! lol..
u know..
i nvr thought that this is anything that i should be proud of..
i reli don..
that's why i've nvr mention 'clubbing'

the truth is i was ashamed..
i know i couldnt take it when ppl think of me as someone which i am not..
but i know.. one day..
someone will know..
and yea..
at least i tell u guys what's happening to me..

promise promise promise
i promise
i wont go as often ..
i'll just study till my final ends..
ok??

love u lots!!!
<3



the hardest part of this confession is..
who my parents re..
so i reli sincerely hope u guys would help me..

i couldnt rmb who
btu someone. recently..
we were talking about this..
we nwere saying taht why arent we like all those rich brats..
they get wat they want every time
they don hv to worry about how much they spend coz their parents can afford..
yes indeed.. envious.. or perhaps jealousy..

but..
we know.. i know.. they might be fulfil materially..
but i hv a loving family..
i hv ppl that care for me..
i am glad i am brought up well..
maybe not too gd to CERTAIN ppl..
but yes.. i know i would always try to be nice and polite to everyone..

i am glad.. that i am not as rich as some of the others.
at least i know about how the life of being not so rich is like..
i am exposed to cheap and nice probably not so healthy food..
but still it's nice.. i've known ppl from diff background..
the mafia, the nerds, the poor, the bimbos, the fun..
i reli do know a lot of ppl..

and now i am here..
kl...
the glamourous place to be in..
i admit i am vain..
i am materialistic..
but am glad that i hv strong moral values instilled in me..
at least i am not rotten.. YET u might say..
but i donno..
i've known the really rich.. models.. sluts... and oso pampered brats that doesnt know a thing about how simple life can be..
u don need tons of branded stuff to look gd.. u don hv to care about how ppl label u.. as long as u know the moral values that u re holdign on is strong.. u re reli "EXPENSIVE" lol..
u guys gotta understand that my english is reli reli bad..

i always believe that getting sth means that u re losing sth..
we may not be as rich as they re..
but we hv a happy family..
we re exposed to diff ppl and culture..

oh shit...
i am repeating my points
haha..
wrong format for essay...
k..
i cant think of etra points
will add in when i can think
gd nigth...

"you don seem like u brought anything with you.."
"yes. i didnt bring my bag along"
"wat about ur id?"
*petting pocket* *show id*
" so ur bday is a day after valentines?"
"yea" *smiling*





been having headache since last night..
is it because of stress??
i donno..
omg..
it's relil killing me..
not feelign well the whole day..
miss my darling.. he told me not to go back..
raya's higer rate of accident..
i hate headache.
feel like puking now..
damn...
i need someone to be with me now...

i need a job
i need a job
i need a job..

went to loaf wit paul and cheryl last night..
a night which i doubt i would forget ever..
and i would say.. i was glad to be there..
got to know some reli famous ppl in town..
i was so ignorant that i didnt know he was so famous till i google-ED his name online..
i bet i can sell his number for some money when i am desperate..
hahahaha...
but of coz i wont do that.. haha.. he was nice to me.. how could i do that to him..
blah.. wat eva.. don ask me who coz u wont believe it anyway..
maybe u might think that i am just bullshitting but who cares?? i know i am telling the truth..
i donno why.. some how.. i kept thinking of him.. he reli makes me think a lot.. thinking as in reli think not the missing type..
well.. i donno how to express how i feel now..
just that.. he gave me a special feeling.. haha..... sound like some gal that just had a crush..
but.. no no no.. he's just special.. in a way..

oh man.. i donno wat am i writing.. so don bother to ask..






ok ok..
went for prom dress shopping again today..
i've finally got mine..
paul and cheryl said i should alter it..
so.....
will see la.. see if i can afford alteration.. haha..
and depends on my mood...
yu wen lost her watch today..
she accidentally left it in the fitting room and when we went back for it. i wasnt there anymore..

i was actually kinda pissed..
that idiotic person that took that away must be a very selfish person i'd say..
imagine u lost sth that is important to u..
hoiw would u feel??
why cant she think before she took that watch away..
be considerate..
at least try to put urself into other ppl's shoes..

or if i look it in another perspective,
she must be a poor and desperate woman...
becoz she cant afford to get her own watch..
pity her then...

we re all like this arent we??
we do things and forgot about how the others would feel..
we re plain selfish admit it..
i guess i do agree wit FREUD's theory..
human are drive by their ID
we re selfish and don care about how others feel..
we try to be polite, nice
but the truth is.. we just care for ourselves.




2 o clock in the morning and i don think i know wat i wrote ealier..
so yeah... i'll go to bed now...........
good night..

haha...
finally "in the mood" to blog..
lol..
updates about my week...

1/10/2007


ying zhen and i went for CHUCK and LARRY
great movie..
i like the circle part...
a mariage is like a circle.. there's no beginning and no end..
it is not like a triangle.. no diagonal..
hahahhahahahaha... lame pastor..

2/10/2007


esther and i went for this freshlook thingy just for the sake of the free contacts!!
lol...


esther, karyan, qian hui,yz and i went for prom dress shopping!!


it was esther's first time on the monorail!



a long day we had..
but buy nth..
esther found herself a great dress..
red..
STUNNING i'd say


3/10/2007
digi man in college!!


took a long nap at home then a late night movie and spent my night in py's house..





4/10/2007
esther was caught sleeping on the bench in the cafeteria..
pig...


and it was also our last experiment for SAM



chromatography

yes!!
the colour of SMARTIES











how could we not chamwhore for the one last time??!!


5/10/2007
nothing much today..

a stupid cat sleeping under the table like nobody's business..


and a last vb training..








i shall now end wit
PEI HWA's ASS